CCG Smackdown!
by drgreenwaheadlikeabean
Summary: Bet you never guessed you'd see this...the First Annual Cook County General Smackdown!
1. Round One

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the first annual Cook County General Smackdown!! ((Crowd cheers exuberantly)) I'm your host and announcer, Dave Mallucci, the pride and joy of the ER! ((Crowd groans)) Oh, come on! Anyway, I'd like to introduce you to your referees for this evening. ((A group of four stands next to him, all clad in wings and halos.)) Tell us your names.  
  
REFEREE ONE: Dennis Gant.  
  
REFEREE TWO: Jodi O'Brian.  
  
REFEREE THREE: Lucy Knight.  
  
REFEREE FOUR: Jesse Robbins.  
  
JOHN CARTER: ((Running into the wrestling ring)) Dennis? Lucy?!  
  
PETER BENTON: ((Running into the wrestling ring)) Jesse?!  
  
REFEREE FOUR: Hi, Uncle Peter.  
  
ANNOUNCER: Security! ((Four burlesque guards escort the two out)) Back to business, folks. For our first round, we have this woman up for grabs. Carol Hathaway! ((Displays Carol writhing in rope bondages)) Now to introduce our competitors. First, the former stud of the ER, Doug Ross! ((Doug walks into the ring dressed in black and gold spandex much to the delight of Carol and the crowd)) And our other competitor, former EMT, I hope he has a first name, "Shep" Shepherd! ((Shep enters in purple and pink spandex much to the dismay of Carol and the crowd)) And let's- ((He is suddenly interrupted by someone handing him an announcement)) Seems we have another competitor. Welcome the man who just changed his mind about Miss Hathaway, John "Tag" Taglieri! ((Tag walks in clad in blue and green spandex. Dave leans towards Ref One)) What is *with* these names? Shep? Tag? ((A bell rings, startling him)) Oh, start!  
  
((They do, both Doug and Shep ganging up on Tag and knocking him to the floor while the announcer keeps tabs. Tag is dragged out of the ring and Shep and Doug begin to circle each other dangerously.))  
  
ANNOUNCER: Now it's one on one, man to man, Shep versus Doug for the title of Carol's sugar daddy.  
  
((The two begin to punch, kick, etc, etc. Shep ducks one of Doug's punches and throws one of his own, sending Doug to the outside floor of the ring. Shep jumps out on top of him and begins pummeling him, leaving him unconscious on the ground. Shep walks back into the ring))  
  
ANNOUNCER: Looks like we have a winner! Shep! ((Dave lifts his fist triumphantly.)) Shep is the winner of this lovely prize. ((Dave cuts Carol's bondages and she lunges forward, wrapping a hand around Shep's throat.))  
  
CAROL: You shithole! ((She throws a punch to his gut, knocking him out with a head butt, and jumps from the ring to Doug's side.))  
  
ANNOUNCER: Um...OK. Onto Round number two!!!!! 


	2. Round Two

ANNOUNCER: Vying for the title of Mrs. Dr. Mark Greene, we have two women. On my left, in the green armor, Mark's current wife, Elizabeth Corday-Greene! ((Elizabeth strikes a pose)) And on my right, the woman who left being told Mark loved her, Susan Lewis! ((Susan shows off her muscles, which aren't much to show.))  
  
MARK: ((From his bondages)) I didn't agree to this, Mallucci, what the hell is going on?!   
  
ANNOUNCER: Nothing, nothing at all. Just watch. ((Rings the bell and the two begin fighting.))  
  
ELIZABETH: I'll get you good, twit.  
  
SUSAN: Shut up, hag.  
  
((It is an all-out chick fight, with clawing, hair pulling, and everything imaginable. All of a sudden, Div Cvetic jumps into the ring.))  
  
DIV: Susan, I thought you liked me!!!!  
  
SUSAN: ((pulling her leg out of Elizabeth's grasp.)) Div, didn't you go crazy or something?  
  
DIV: Now did I? ((Wanders off, pondering the thought while Elizabeth tackles Susan and brings her to the ground.))  
  
REF TWO: One, two, three! ((She slaps the ground as she counts.))  
  
ANNOUNCER: And Elizabeth reigns as Mrs. Mark Greene!!!! ((He cuts Mark's ropes and Elizabeth kisses him.))  
  
SUSAN: Hey, what about me?  
  
MARK: Sorry, Susan, we've got a kid. I'm kinda...tied down.  
  
SUSAN: Hey, you never told me you had a kid.  
  
ELIZABETH: You never asked.  
  
SUSAN: Well, what am I gonna do?  
  
MARK: You can always go for Carter, can't you?  
  
SUSAN: Oh, yeah! ((Walks off in search of Carter.)) 


	3. Round Three

ANNOUNCER: Our next round will be a bit different, folks. Instead of a human prize, we have these three babies. ((Displays three small vials)) Here we have some Demerol, Fentanyl, and Percocet, 50 mg of each. We also have three competitors, Chase Carter, Max Rosher, and John Carter. ((The three competitors stand next to him in the ring))  
  
CARTER: I'm not doing this, I refuse.  
  
ANNOUNCER: Can't do that, Carter, sorry. Is everyone ready?  
  
CHASE: As ever.  
  
MAX: You bet.  
  
CARTER: No, I'm not doing this!   
  
((The bell rings in spite of his protests and he is the first to be knocked out, because of his uncooperation. Chase then tackles Max and the two "have it out" for a while until Anna Del Amico comes running in.))  
  
ANNA: Max, what *are* you doing?!  
  
MAX: Dukin' it out for some Percocet.  
  
ANNA: You gave that up! And, you too, Chase!  
  
CHASE: Not anymore! ((They continue to fight in a mad cloud of dust that clouds their movements from the audience and Max Rosher emerges triumphant.))  
  
ANNOUNCER: I guess these belong to you, Max.((Hands them over))  
  
ANNA: Max, don't take them! Say no, Max!  
  
MAX: Cool. ((Takes the vials and happily skips off.)) 


	4. Round Four

ANNOUNCER: And that's all the fun we have for today, folks. Come back next year for-  
  
LYDIA: Wait, wait. Why don't the nurses get involved in any of this?  
  
ANNOUNCER: Because you're not important.  
  
HALEH: Not important? Not IMPORTANT?!  
  
MALIK: I'll show you important....  
  
ANNOUNCER: Come on, you nurses couldn't kick butt if it was standing three inches in front of you!  
  
CHUNI: Is that the best comeback you have, Mallucci?  
  
WENDY: I bet I could even kick your ass!  
  
ANNOUNCER: Who are you?  
  
WENDY: It doesn't matter, I could kick your ass anyway!  
  
YOSH: Yeah!  
  
LILY: And if Carol was here, we could kick your ass even harder.  
  
SHIRLEY: It doesn't matter, I'm here. I'll help.  
  
HALEH: You don't even work in the E,R.  
  
SHIRLEY: So? I'm a nurse. How come whenever anyone lists the nurses I'm never on the list?  
  
ANNOUNCER: Well, how come I never have a damn plot?  
  
MALIK: 'Cause we can kick your ass, Grenada boy!  
  
ANNOUNCER: Yeah, sure.  
  
HALEH: Just let us show you.  
  
((The nurses pounce on Dave while the home viewers' screens fade to black.))  
  
THE END 


End file.
